Are you on all the apps? There are so many now. Are you on the app where girls have to send the initial message, and then guys are only allowed to choose from twenty preapproved words for the first hour? My friend Amanda met her boyfriend on it. Dating seems so different now from the way it was when I was doing it. It sounds convenient. Like eagle pose in yoga, but between two bodies? I think it started with the Amish. Next time you dock the robot vacuum, can you make sure it actually docks?
Thanks, sweetie. Have you heard about the plant dating app? I tried to get my single friend Eileen to let me swipe as her the other day, but I accidentally turned her into a monstera plant. Sorry, Eileen! I forget the name, but, like, thank you, gig economy, am I right?
Just kidding. It almost sounds kind of fun. Like a game. If you wanted, I could swipe for you for a while, just for fun. Are you on that one where you put your name, age, credit-card number, whatever on your profile and it matches you with other users who have bought the same paper towels and other household goods? And then you get the paper towels, too. But you save money by getting them every week.
Oh, my gosh, do you belong to Costco? Ha ha ha. Last week, I came home and heard him crying from the driveway, so I drove around the block a few times so I could keep listening to my podcast instead of comforting him! But anyway. Who needs dating, you know? Save this story Save this story. More: Dating Apps Humor Millennials. By Alexandra Petri. By Blythe Roberson. The Lede. Donald Trump Invents an Energy Emergency. The Day One executive orders call for more drillingβsomething that, really, nobody wants.
By Bill McKibben. A Critic at Large. From the pianoforte to the smartphone, each wave of tech has sparked fears of brain rot.
