Dear Therapist,. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Before me, he was in a long-term, serious relationship in which he bought an engagement ring and was making plans to marry his ex. Since then, he and I have had a very honest, serious, and healthy relationship, but the ring is still in our basement. Sara Grand Rapids, Michigan. The content is what the disagreement is ostensibly about. You might be thinking, Wait, this loss happened almost two years ago. Additionally, and this seems especially relevant here, the way in which a relationship ends amicably, angrily, unresolved affects the way the survivor will grieve, just as how the way in which someone dies can affect their loved ones for years to come.
By the way, this is also a common dynamic when a person whose spouse died begins dating a new partner. Sometimes the new partner feels threatened by the pieces of the past, while the other person has a deep need to preserve them in daily life.
In turn, perhaps he can share with you what the ring means to him maybe: a tangible memento of an important chapter of his life, in the way that many people save photos from past relationships rather than deleting them from their archives , and how he feels when you try to engage him in these conversations maybe: pressured, attacked. He may find your questions to be intrusive, judgmental, or controlling. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Skip to content Site Navigation The Atlantic. Popular Latest Newsletters. Search The Atlantic.
Quick Links. Sign In Subscribe. About the Author. Lori Gottlieb.
