Posted March 13, Of all of the possible experiences people endure when they are abandoned in love, rejection is probably the most painful. A once familiar and treasured experience turns into a terrifying, seemingly endless nightmare. Many times, the warning signs that could have predicted the loss were not obvious or denied. He was clearly avoiding intimacy and not willing to talk about why things had changed. There were so many other things going on that I guess I just kept making rationalizations.
The coldness I see in his eyes makes me feel as if I never existed. Was our love ever real? Did I really know him? Does anyone tell you the truth? I feel like I will spend the rest of my life in an unending tragedy. Christ, she seemed to be enjoying it. How the hell do you ever trust again? I feel like an idiot. These heartfelt, raw expressions are not unusual. I have heard so many of them, and most often from people who were once treasured by the same people who now have no use for them.
By the time a relationship ends, those questions can never be adequately answered. There is too much guilt on one end and grief on the other. Intimate authenticity must start at the beginning of a relationship to make any partnership less vulnerable to later misunderstandings or unexpected rejections.
Many new partners are too concerned that they will stop potential partners from sticking around if they are truly open and honest about what matters to them. It takes courage to be authentic and totally open at the beginning of a relationship. New partners who are willing to lay themselves open to critique and possible rejection early on create a foundation that allows new thoughts and feelings to emerge when they need to.
That couple is building an altar place from the moment they meet, a sacred foundation of what each can trust in the other. That altar place is the foundation that supports the common intention to live by the same beliefs, ethics , and behaviors that they have agreed upon, while still allowing it to be continuously challenged and restructured. If either partner begins to feel trapped, under-represented, or no longer fully able to live by those sacred agreements, he or she must openly and readily communicate that to the other.
