I am kink-friendly. I once had a client who was only turned on by women who wore Converse tennis shoes. He insisted that his girlfriend wear these shoes during sex, which she did, but she felt the shoes became more important than herself and her needs.
The same guy was turned on by teenage girls wearing these shoes, and he stared at and sometimes followed the teenage girls—a huge problem that was solved through therapy. In his excellent book, Guide to Getting It On! Paul Joannides describes a man who could not enjoy sex unless his lover wore a hat. If the fetish brings joy to both lovers, there really is no problem.
However, it can be difficult to eradicate strong fetishes, even if the person wants to reject the fetish, In other cases, milder fetishes can be less of a problem. Cross-dressing is a related phenomenon that may or may not upset the cross-dresser and his or her partners. Situational cross-dressing may not bother anyone, but obsessive cross-dressing in risky settings can create problems for the cross-dresser and potentially for others. Therapy usually does not alter the cross-dressers need to cross-dress.
However, a driving compulsion to do so can be minimized by a therapist. I deal with fetishes and with those who are into some aspect of BDSM. I find that roleplaying desires and behaviors do not have to be a problem, but for some they are. The power dynamic can be a turn-on for one or both participants. No one should be pressured to engage in any sexual behavior they do not want.
Mutual consent and mutual satisfaction is the goal. As I have expressed elsewhere on this site, I deal with those of every sexual orientation from gay and lesbian to bisexual and heterosexual. I also help those who have an open marriage or other open relationship, those who swing, and those who are polyamorous. Monogamy does not suit everyone. It is beyond reason to expect everyone to be alike.
