Posted December 7, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. I have been coaching parents of struggling adult children for over thirty years. My work in these situations encompasses the United States and abroad. Most parents who contact me are looking to feel empowered after feeling stuck, frustrated, and disempowered and want to know what to say to get their adult children to stop being emotionally abusive and disrespectful. I received the following three emails this morning I changed some demographics to maintain confidentiality :.
Hi Dr. Bernstein, "I need advice on how to deal with kicking my year-old son out. My husband and I are at our wit's end! We are both loyal and faithful but in a strained situation. My son is lazy, entitled, can't hold a job, and dishonest. Bernstein, "My year-old daughter seems to just want to take, take, take. We are beyond frustrated can you tell! Bernstein, "Can you please help me? My year-old son is still blaming me for putting him in a school he hated during his middle school years.
He is financially successful but continues to bring up things from long ago and throw them in my face. But that's not really the desired option in this case where you've got decades of your love, guidance, and life invested in your adult child.
Still, their disrespect hits hard and it feels as though all your years of sacrifice are being devalued and erased. You might tell yourself not to let all this bother you, yet so much of your identity as a person seems to be bound up in what your children think of you. Try as you may, putting this pain out of your head does not work. In fact, all that does is put you on the "bottle it up and implode or explode later plan," which is not a good option.
Yes, for sure, guilt and regret over some aspect of parenting are common. No one parents perfectly. Your past decisions and even your personality style may have created struggles for your children, whether you intended them or not. The anger released on you even if it feels disproportionate may be the result of past events or emotional injuries. The only perfect people are in the cemetery.
