New appointment scheduling for all locations: Call to speak with someone at Sometimes a parent can become so frustrated and angry that they lose their temper and spank their child. The good news is several discipline techniques have been found in research to be far more effective than spanking, and parents would rather discipline with love than hitting.
Discipline builds self-esteem, confidence, and a sense of security. It teaches them about consequences and helps them develop a conscience so they make healthy and effective decisions in the future. It sends the message that they can control themselves and teaches them how to do it. It fits in perfectly with a few of our basic goals as parents: to raise kids with strong self-esteem, the ability to make good decisions, and skills to connect in healthy ways with others.
So when you feel your buttons being pressed, first calm yourself physiologically. Ten breaths might help; a few minutes would be even better. This diaphragmatic breathing helps on a chemical level. Meanwhile, you want to be thinking rational thoughts about yourself and your child. The bigger the reaction, the more powerful they feel and the more delighted they are!
Part of your job is to help your child accept this. Good, solid discipline involves a lot of positive, proactive behaviors such as planning ahead, focusing on the good stuff, and positively reinforcing behaviors you want to see.
Again, another whole column! First, avoid two huge parenting traps: getting emotional and talking too much. Next, ask yourself if you can allow natural consequences to be the teacher here instead of you. Not only is it a powerful learning tool, it gets you off the hook of being the bad guy. See the beauty of this? Make sure the consequences make sense, are age-appropriate, proportionate to the crime, and something you can follow through with.
