Friday, May 10, By: Dr. As a couple's therapist, my work revolves around a simple but profound concept: connection. When we strip away all the stories and content, what remains is the core of every successful relationship—connection and disconnection. Couples seek therapy to find solutions to a variety of issues, but when we get to the heart of it, what they really need is help fostering and maintaining a sense of connection.
A significant part of achieving this is learning how to validate your partner, while avoiding corrosive invalidation. One of the primary reasons couples come to therapy is communication. But communication isn't just about talking; it's about whether the communication fosters connection or disconnection.
Invalidation—whether intentional or not—creates a sense of disconnection that can be toxic to relationships. Conversely, validation is essential for feeling connected, seen, and understood by your partner. Invalidation sends a message that your way of being doesn't make sense, leading to feelings of isolation and resentment.
There are several ways people invalidate, such as:. Experiencing this kind of invalidation over long periods can lead to a belief that you are unimportant, unable to communicate your emotions, or unable to trust your own feelings. In some cases, invalidation can be more than just corrosive—it can become traumatic. Traumatic invalidation involves extreme or chronic rejection of a person's experiences or identity. This can include:. Traumatic invalidation can leave deep emotional scars, affecting a person's ability to connect with others and fostering long-term disconnection.
Given that everyone experiences invalidation at some point in their lives, it's crucial to know how to manage and recover from it. Here are some strategies to help:. Practicing these skills can help you reduce the painful sting of invalidation, build resilience, and most importantly, strengthen the connection with your partner. The foundation of any successful relationship is connection, and validation is key to fostering it.
