Love Letters. I am a woman in the winter of my life, widowed in the last couple of years. While my husband was still alive, through one of his hobbies, I met one of his acquaintances. This man and I had had very short interactions on a few occasions. Shortly after my husband passed, we had a conversation in which he showed great interest in getting together with me. He told me about his life and how lonely he was. Without being explicit, he let me know he was looking for a companion and more.
The problem: His wife was now living in a care facility for dementia after he had been a caretaker for many years. For a number of reasons, this being one, we did not get together. My question: Is it morally right to get involved sexually with someone whose spouse is in this state β and will be for the rest of their life? A big question. Thanks for bringing it to us.
I believe there are many ways to love a partner, and that you can take care of a spouse in a memory care facility while finding happiness and companionship with someone else. There is no one set of rules for this. You might decide that pursing a relationship with this man would be a terrible betrayal of marital vows.
This is a question with a lot of nuance. Get the details before you make a big decision. It can start with a simple dinner. My mom had dementia, so this is something at the forefront of my mind. Dementia is strange because there are ambiguous feelings of loss and partial death, but the person still physically exists. Hopefully this does not come across as heartless, but the way I see it is the person he married is not alive anymore.
The person who she is right now would not be able to consent to marriage. You have to take each dilemma in its context. Dear LW, yours is a thoughtful, caring question. I think you should do what works for you and this man, but I will interject a little caution here. I had two friends who faced this same question and they decided to proceed with a relationship.
