All rights reserved. Three months ago, my husband slept with a woman he met at a nightclub. After that night, he never spoke to her again. He truly appears to have confessed because the guilt was eating him alive, not because he wants to leave or was unhappy with our marriage. How do we get through this?
Cheating is painful and can be for both parties involved. And the guilt he admitted to? Those feelings prompted him to tell you the truth, so you both could deal with this situation and eventually learn how to heal from it.
You should use this two-step process for finding the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. The first part is clearing up the anger and resentment you feel over what he did. The second part is moving on, so you can grow stronger. When you have very little information about a negative event, the brain tends to fill in the blanks with the absolute worst possible outcome. It was cheating, plain and simple. Resist the temptation to get every single detail about the night—you only need to know about the ones that will help you remain mentally healthy.
Cry it out. Spend time with a girlfriend who can help you sort through your feelings. Do things you enjoy, like getting out for a hike or taking a workout class. Invest in yourself, including getting into therapy which I highly recommend. And remember, people make mistakes. However, his job after this is to make you feel secure again.
You should discuss, as a couple, what you need to feel better, safer and stronger in this relationship moving forward. While taking a ton of time for yourself, also focus on emotional intimacy-building activities with your husband. Date nights are great. Taking up a mutual hobby, like biking or yoga, would also be beneficial. Start watching a new show together, especially as winter approaches. Really, just focus on re-dating each other. Keep it light. Especially in the interim, if your husband is in any situations that make you uncomfortable, state what you need.
