And now, thanks to hackers, millions of their users have had their private sins made public. In fact, in recent years, I have even counseled individuals whose spouses have used Ashley Madison to broker an extramarital affair. To be sure, Ashley Madison is simply the latest vehicle being used to facilitate sexual liaisons.
But while the vehicle may change with the times, the outcome is almost always the same. The person being cheated is oftentimes consumed by feelings of shock, outrage, humiliation, confusion, rejection and betrayal. The trauma is so intense many marriages do not survive.
What would cause someone to even use Ashley Madison in the first place? Why do such a significant percentage of married people cheat? And more importantly, what can be done about it? For most men, adultery is generally about the proverbial thrill and chase of the sexual conquest. Men are particularly vulnerable to temptation within the first few years after the birth of a child when marriage dynamics inevitably adjust, leaving many men feeling secondary to their dependent infant.
For most women, adultery is primarily about seeking emotional connectivity and romance; thus they are more likely to engage in emotional affairs. The truth is, wise farmers and spouses keep seeding, watering and fertilizing to reap a bountiful harvest. Loving feelings are the result of loving actions. Plant a kiss on your mate. Again, but much longer.
Plan a fun and romantic date like you used to! Take a walk together. Share your heart. Pray together. Rekindle the spark, reignite that old passion. Tend your own garden by regularly cultivating your own relationship. Proverbs explains that the person who commits adultery lacks judgement and destroys themselves. As millions of Ashley Madison users have discovered, the temporary adrenaline rush that may accompany an idealized fantasy is not grounded on the secure bedrock of unconditional commitment; thus it is destined to fall on its sandy beach floor whenever the first storm of life passes by.
